Death

There are lots of things that I am scared of but what I fear the most is death. People may think it’s funny but I find It serious. What I want to know is;
Where do we go when we are dead?
Do we go to heaven like most people believe, start again as a new person/animal or do we go to hell?
Do we lay in our coffins asleep, but only see darkness?
Do we dream of our life before our death came upon us?
Can we watch over our family?
If we get cremated can we see what’s going on around us?
If we have unfinished business can we stay until we are done? Like they show in movies

I don’t want to die in pain. I want to die in my sleep. It is less painful.

When we have dreams when we are falling off a cliff and we wake up before we hit the bottom scientists believe that if we hit the bottom we will never wake up, because it’s the same as in real life. If you fall off a 15ft cliff you wont survive.

When I go on family holidays to Dover or the Isle of Wight I do not go near the cliff’s because I am scared and you don’t know when death will creep up on you.

My fear started when I went to my first funeral. It was my dad’s step dad’s funeral but he’s still family. While the priest was talking all I could do was look at the coffin it was like the whole world had disappeared. All I could think of was how dark it must be in a coffin. When the curtain finally closed I started crying because he was all on his own and he wont be able to see anyone ever again.

When I was 5 years old the teacher came round the classroom and asked us all to make a list of what we wanted to do when we got older, most of the girls said a princess. Yes I wanted to be a princess but not just any old princess I wanted to become a princess that lived forever, live in a castle with a unicorn and marry prince charming. When I was 7 years old I thought what’s the point in keeping the list its just a fairy tale, so threw it in the bin.

My mum became seriously ill and I decided to do a list but make it serious. Every time I complete one I will tick it off and put a face to say how it went;
J: good
:L: Ok
L: Not good
A couple of months later I stopped the list and put it in my safe

I read Before I Die by Jenny Downham. Its about a girl who has cancer and she wrote a list of things to do before she dies e.g. do drugs, have sex, say yes for a whole day. She succeeds and completes the list before she dies.
After reading this I decided to continue the list to this day. The two main things on my list are;
Make sure my mum dies happy and not in pain
Make sure my brother has a better start to secondary school than what I did.

Cancer runs in my family so I want to be ready incase im the unlucky one.

I don’t want to die and all I see is darkness.
I don’t want to die before I’ve lived my life.