Death

There are lots of things that I am scared of but what I fear the most is death. People may think it’s funny but I find It serious. What I want to know is;
Where do we go when we are dead?
Do we go to heaven like most people believe, start again as a new person/animal or do we go to hell?
Do we lay in our coffins asleep, but only see darkness?
Do we dream of our life before our death came upon us?
Can we watch over our family?
If we get cremated can we see what’s going on around us?
If we have unfinished business can we stay until we are done? Like they show in movies

I don’t want to die in pain. I want to die in my sleep. It is less painful.

When we have dreams when we are falling off a cliff and we wake up before we hit the bottom scientists believe that if we hit the bottom we will never wake up, because it’s the same as in real life. If you fall off a 15ft cliff you wont survive.

When I go on family holidays to Dover or the Isle of Wight I do not go near the cliff’s because I am scared and you don’t know when death will creep up on you.

My fear started when I went to my first funeral. It was my dad’s step dad’s funeral but he’s still family. While the priest was talking all I could do was look at the coffin it was like the whole world had disappeared. All I could think of was how dark it must be in a coffin. When the curtain finally closed I started crying because he was all on his own and he wont be able to see anyone ever again.

When I was 5 years old the teacher came round the classroom and asked us all to make a list of what we wanted to do when we got older, most of the girls said a princess. Yes I wanted to be a princess but not just any old princess I wanted to become a princess that lived forever, live in a castle with a unicorn and marry prince charming. When I was 7 years old I thought what’s the point in keeping the list its just a fairy tale, so threw it in the bin.

My mum became seriously ill and I decided to do a list but make it serious. Every time I complete one I will tick it off and put a face to say how it went;
J: good
:L: Ok
L: Not good
A couple of months later I stopped the list and put it in my safe

I read Before I Die by Jenny Downham. Its about a girl who has cancer and she wrote a list of things to do before she dies e.g. do drugs, have sex, say yes for a whole day. She succeeds and completes the list before she dies.
After reading this I decided to continue the list to this day. The two main things on my list are;
Make sure my mum dies happy and not in pain
Make sure my brother has a better start to secondary school than what I did.

Cancer runs in my family so I want to be ready incase im the unlucky one.

I don’t want to die and all I see is darkness.
I don’t want to die before I’ve lived my life.

awesome books

Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton
Dark Hunter series by Sherrilyn Kenyon
Dark series by Christine Feehan
Black Dagger Brotherhood series by J.R. Ward
Queen Betsy series by MaryJanice Davidson
Circle Trilogy by Nora Roberts
Immortals After Dark series by Kressly Cole
Night Huntress series by Jeaniene Frost
Count de Saint Germain series by Chelsea Quinn Yarbro
Riley Jensen series by Keri Arthur
Argeneau series by Lynsay Sands
Sunshine by Robin McKinley
Mageverse series by Angela Knight
Midnight Breed series by Lara Adrian
Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick
Sweet Lucidity Series by Melissa Bond
Blue Bloods by Melissa de la Cruz
Shiver by Maggie Siefvater
Darkest Powers by Kelley Armstrong
The Gemma Doyle Trilogy by Libba Bray
The rogue Hunter by Lynsay Sands
Crimson Stained by Quin Keitt
Blood Born by Kinda Howard
Midnight's Daughter by Karen Chance
Raven's Deep by Jane Jordan
Vampire diaries - Lisa Jane Smith A.K.A. L.J.Smith
Twilight - Stephanie Meyer
Nightwalkers - Heather Graham
Evernight - Claudia gray
Anne rice vampire books
Vampire in my dreams - Terry lee wilde
True blood books (sookie Stackhouse series) - Charlaine Harris
Vampire academy - Richelle Mead
Vampire kisses - Ellen Screheiber
Love in vein - Robert Johnson
Midnight sun - Stephanie Meyer
The short second life of bree tanner - Stephanie Meyer
Vampire Babylon - Chris Marie Green
Morganville vampires - Rachel Cane
Love at stake series - Kerrelyn Sparks
Uninvited - Amanda Marrone
Blue blood - Melissa De La Cruz
House of night series - P.C.Cast
Thirst - Christopher Pike
Night world series - Lisa Jane Smith A.K.A. L.J.Smith
Companions of the night - Vivian Vande Velde
Look for me by moonlight - Mary Downing Hahm
Grave sight - Charlaine Harris
A touch of dead - Charlaine Harris
Shannon K Butcher - Burning Alive, Finding the Lost, Running Scared
Alyssa Day - Atlantis Rising, Atlantis Awakening, Atlantis Unleashed, Atlantis Unmasked, Atlantis Redeemed
Pamela Palmer - Desire Untamed, Obsession Untamed, Passion Untamed and Rapture Untamed
Tantalize, Eternal- Cynthia Leitich-Smith
Vampire Huntress series by L.A. Banks
Demon in my View- by Amelia Atwater Rhodes
10 Thing before i die - Jenny Downham
My Sisters Keeper - Jodi Picoult (i think)
The Last Song - Nicholas Sparks
My Sister The Vampire - Sienna Mercer
Sucks To Be Me - Kimberly Pauley
Still Sucks To Be Me - Kimberly Pauley
Dark Hunter Series - Sherrilyn Kenyon
Dark Days Series - Jocelynn Drake
Avalon High - Meg Cabot
Mediator Series - Meg Cabot
Fade, Wake, Gone - Lisa MCcann

Drawing

Uggghhhhh..... its so annoying when people pretend they know what you ging through but they have never experianced anything you have. Seriusly its out of order.

Saturday 24th July 2010

It feels weird knowing that something is going to happen then it suddenly hapens but worser than you imagine.
If i had lost everyone on earth that i loved then i would know that i will have that one person always there watching over me.
Sometimes i feel numb, i feel lost, not knowing what to do only hoping for the best.
I've never know how to deal with all my feelings knowing that they wont go away.
Sometimes i just wish it never happens whatever is meant to

Loss

The last night of the winter wind whistled outside. The Moon was like a heaven shining down on Earth, looking paper white while waiting for the sun to rise. I could feel the sun’s rise gazing into my drowsy eyes. I raised my dreamy head in a daze. The sun’s surge of gold streamed across my bed.
I jumped out of my comfortable bed, got dressed, brushed my long wavy brunette hair and ran halfway down the corkscrew stairs then glided down the banister.
“Morning!” I shouted into the lounge.
“Morning” She shouted back. “Make sure you grab something to eat before you go to school”
“Will do, oh and im staying round Lucy’s house tonight” Lucy is my best friend we have been friends since junior school, but my mum doesn’t know that im not planning to spend the night round Lucy’s we have something better in mind we were going to crash Matt‘s party. Today is our first day in year 10 at high school after the half term.
“Ok make sure your home tomorrow after school because me and Dave are going to Mexico for the week” Mum walked into the kitchen.
“Yes” I mumbled. “I get the whole house to myself for a week”
I snatched a piece of toast off Dave’s plate and ran out the front door. The door smashed behind me and an enormous amount of sweet spring wind blew in my face. I pulled my coat around me tighter. I saw the school bus coming around the corner, so ran down the road to the bus stop. That’s when I saw something lurking in the shadows of the tree’s. First off I thought it was something to do with the wind messing with my eye’s.
“Are you coming on the bus or not” Shouted Michael the bus driver.
“Umm yeah I..I just thought I…” I looked back towards the shadows and it disappeared.
I got on the bus and sat at the back Lucy wasn’t in her normal seat. In fact she wasn’t on the bus at all. I wonder where she is. I felt a vibration in my pocket. It must be my phone, so I pulled it out of my pocket. There was a message from Lucy
“Hey sorry about today I’m not coming in to school I’m not feeling well I think I ate something dodgy xx sorry”
Oh great I had to sit through physics with the worst teacher ever. Mrs banks. Her voice is squeaky, she has a short greasy grey bob and she always wears old war time clothes. I had got through first lesson with Mr.Gorge. All my lessons seemed to go fast. When the bell rung for the end of the day I literally ran out into the frosty cold parking lot. There it was again that shadow this time I didn’t bother to look again and carried on walking home. I reached my front door after what felt like a lifetime of walking.
Suddenly there was a loud bang then a crash from behind me. I heard a shriek and realised it was me. I turned round slowly to see glistening midnight black eyes gazing into my eyes. It looked like they were trying to get into my soul. I jumped back and looked down to his feet. He had white and black trainers on, dark blue khaki pants on, a white t-shirt that was tight around his massive bulging muscles. I looked back into his eyes. They had changed from midnight black to light crystal blue the same colour as my eyes.
“Hi” He whispered “Im Dominic”
I shrieked again. Why does he keep scaring me like that. Can’t he see that I was admiring his dark midnight eyes until they turned the same colour as mine. I was admiring his bulging muscles too then he scars me and ruins the moment.
“Umm…Hi” I gulped “I’m Rose look I really have to go”
“Ok but wait 1 minute” He replied
I nodded hoping he would disappear before my cheeks turned rosy red.
“Don’t worry ill be right back” With saying that he disappeared into the daylight right there in front of my eyes.
Wow that’s freaky how can he do that. He came back he had a necklace in his hand. It had a gold chain and a dove on a heart pendant. I wondered what he was going to do with it. He placed it in my hand.
“I want you to have it” He answered like he could read my thoughts. “It belonged to my mum and she gave it to me before she died, It protected her and it can protect you”
“Im sorry for your loss but I cant take this” I gave it back.
He wouldn’t take it, instead he folded his arms.
“You know the figure lurking in the shadows?” He said. I nodded “Well she’s out to get you and if you wear this she cant hurt you”
“Ok ill take it but I’ve got to go” I replied. “Thank you”
“Please invite me in it’s cold out here and if you invite me in I can protect you, but if you don’t invite me in then I can’t come in at all. One of her assistants could pose as a pizza man or something and try to kill you and I would kill myself if that happened”
“But… but I…. but I don’t even….” I started “Ok”
I turned the key in the door when something came up behind me and grabbed me by the throat. I screamed. I was struggling for breath. Dominic grabbed the thing grabbing me and stabbed it with a wooden stake. I collapsed gasping for air. I think I blacked out because the next thing I wake up in a room I tried to adjust my eyes to the bright light, but it felt like it was burning my eyes. Dominic was in a chair beside me. Something had hold of my hand, I looked down, it was Dominic he had been holding my hand. Something serious must have happened for him to be holding my hand.
I felt hungry my throat was burning. The door clicked someone must have locked it. I heard a bang so I got up and turned the key on the inside. The door swung open and an old lady had a cross in her hand. I screamed something was burning my head, I don’t know how but I flew aback across the room and landed on the bed I looked for Dominic but he wasn’t there. I screamed again when I saw Dominic on the floor. The lady had gone and locked the door behind her.
“Dominic” I screamed “Dominic”
I fell to my knee’s I grabbed his face between my hands. Wake up I thought or at least open your eyes.
“I’m sorry” Dominic whispered.
“What for you done nothing wrong I shouldn’t of opened the door” I argued.
“I was meant to protect you I promised myself I would protect you, but I’ve failed.” he said.
“You have protected me you killed that thing that tried to kill me you protected me from that lady” I replied.
“Your dead” Dominic whispered “She strangled you before I killed her but the only way I could save you was to turn you into” He gulped “A vampire”
“You did what” I screamed.
He now had tears coming out of his eyes.
“Im sorry, but I couldn’t live without you and now your going to have to live without me.”
I also started crying.
“That’s ok it was for a good reason.” I reassured him “What…. What do you mean I would have to live without you”
He looked down towards his chest and pulled out a stake. I didn’t realise that he had a stake in him I was to busy looking at his face.
“Oh my god I…I…” I started.
Before I could finish he leaned up and kissed me. His cold lips against mine made me shiver.
“We were meant to be together for all eternity and now we cant” He rested his head to the floor again.
I could tell that he was gasping for breath.
“I love you” He whispered using his last breaths.
“I love you too” I leaned down and kissed him.
I sat there crying and watching his face. Then I thought why am I sitting here crying? I should be out there trying to find his killer. Even though my throat still burns unless I feed. I still go out hunting for the one that killed my true love while trying to learn new things every day.

Today

Today is the day that i Jemma Louise King forgive, forget and start fresh. No school for 6 weeks so i can sort things out. No more acting like someone im not and time to remember the old times.
Help people more and get closer to my family.

People will forget what you did
People will forgive what you said
Peope will never start fresh on how you made them feel